Previously on "Miracles"...
I'm afraid there's no miracle here.
You should see their faces, they look gut-punched every time.
I feel like a doctor who never cures anyone.
I just show up, deliver bad news and move on.
What's the point of faith if it's never tested?
- I don't buy it. - Why not?
Because we haven't exhausted the other alternatives.
Souls don't just randomly take over other people's bodies.
Someone has just confessed to having predictive dreams
about those killings. Doesn't that interest you, Paul?
Why are you doing this?
In my attempt not to influence events, I influenced them greatly.
Perhaps a better method would be to act on instinct.
I can't stop you from acting on instinct.
Enjoy your meal, sir.
Let me get that for you.
You need more coffee, yes?
Where's that ham sandwich? Out killing the pig?
Hey, I've only got three hands.
Aren't you supposed to be going to the bread pick-up, buddy-boy?
No way, it's too busy. Arturo needs more spoons.
The Bakery closes in five minutes. And Chuck says there's
two jelly-filled in it for you, if you're not late again. Okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
Hi, there.
What can I get for you?
Cheeseburger well done, hold the pickles..
Fill the bag.
The other one. C'mon, hurry up.
- C'mon, lady. - Hey!
Anyone moves, she dies!
Poor thing.
Wait, she's not cut.
She's not bleeding.
What happened?
It's a miracle.
S01E10 Saint Debbie Subs by Nixie & SubRaccoon
We need to talk.
I'm leaving.
It's not that I don't believe in the work we do here, I do. It's just..
I don't see the point in leaving one cloister for another.
When I think about being here ten years from now, hell, even five,
spending my life searching through these dusty books, well..
I just don't want that.
Good luck, Alva.
I'm so sorry, Alva.
I'm leaving, too.
Hey.
Poppi.
- How are you? - Oh, just fine.
What are you doing here?
What do you think? I'm just checking up on you.
Evelyn, this is Father Calero.
Paul talks about you all the time.
I'm a hugger, especially around beautiful Puerto Rican women.
How did you know I'm Puerto Rican?
Those eyes. Are you kidding? Puerto Rican eyes can read the soul, I know.
There's no secrets around this one, kiddo.
You're telling me.
Nice place. It's, uh... it's very...
functional.
Poppi.
This is Alva Keel.
Pleasure.
Likewise.
I may have a job for you.
More than thirty people saw her get her throat cut,
but 10 minutes later she was walking around, not a scratch on her.
Now, Pastor James says things are getting pretty crazy.
He'd like someone to check her out.
Does he think it's a miracle?
Sounds like one.
I suppose it depends on how you define the word miracle, isn't it?
- How would you define it? - I wouldn't.
Most of what I've witnessed defies categorization.
Oh, well, with all due respect, Mr. Keel, it sounds a little simplistic.
Don't you think it's our job as thinking men to evaluate our
experiences and draw moral distinctions?
I don't see the point of assigning moral distinctions
to phenomena that mankind doesn't fully understand.
I'm sure that the priests of neanderthal culture preached
that lightning was evil. Well, now we know better, don't we?
Not if it hits you.
Well, now you've struck upon my concern,
not whether a phenomenon is good or bad, but rather,
how close is it getting to us?
Back in my college days, we'd call guys like you "one-boxers."
Good, bad, God, Devil - all in one box. It's all just information.
So, who wants more coffee?
No, I have to be going.
Father Calero? If I may ask..?
Why did you come to us rather than simply assigning this
investigation to Paul's replacement at the archdiocese?
Because we don't have a replacement.
Turns out it's pretty tough finding someone with Paul's qualifications.
He is very special.
Yes. I couldn't agree more.
Well, who knows, he may decide to come back, hmm?
So, how is all this working out for you? Finding what you're looking for?
I don't know.
- No miracles? - Plenty, at least plenty of something.
So, what's wrong?
I don't know what any of it means.
Join the club, kiddo.
Look, about your friend, Keel...
just look out for him, hmm?
- He's a good guy, Poppi. - I'm sure he is.
All I'm saying is just 'cause he's a one-boxer
doesn't mean you have to be. Right?
Yeah.
Pastor James, I'm Alva Keel. We spoke on the phone.
No, as a matter of fact, we didn't. I'm the mayor, Frank Letherton,
but I'm glad the pastor called you. If he hadn't, I would've.
I want this investigation taken seriously.
I wish I could say that was the only tape, but..
it got copied, and now there are bootlegs all over town.
Pamela Lee's got nothing on Debbie Olson.
Have you talked to her, pastor?
She seems scared, confused.
I don't think she's faking, but at the same time,
I don't see how it could possibly be for real.
Father Calero tells me you've investigated a lot of these
kinds of things, and frankly, our town is turning into a circus.
Why, you say that like it's a bad thing, Pastor.
If there's a reasonable explanation for what happened,
I want to know. I want the town to know.
Faith isn't about super powers. It's about faith.
Well, you guys are the experts. Do we have a Saint here?
Well, it's not that simple. There's a process.
Evidence of a first miracle leads to beatification
a second miracle to canonization,
not to mention the fact that to be sainted, you have to be dead.
So, what's the definition of a miracle?
It's a wondrous, supernatural event surpassing all known
human and natural laws, expressing the divine will of god.
And we need two of those?
Don't look at me. I'm presbyterian.
For us, a miracle is when the choir sings on key.
You don't seem upset at all by this commotion.
Well, no. No, not at all. I mean, the tourists are flocking.
Maybe some will decide to buy here. Three Springs actually
has its very own parking problem. I think it's terrific.
Terrific for business, in other words.
No, those exact words.
Debbie, what was it like? I mean, did it hurt?
A little, I guess.
Did you see God?
Sorry, I have food up.
You know Debbie? She's my sister.
Debbie is super-special.
She can do anything.
She always knows things, like, um, what the weather's
going to be and what we're going to have for dinner.
She's not like everyone else.
Debbie, have you met Little Katelyn?
Hi, there, sweetie girl.
She touched my baby.
I've known her for a thousand years but she don't know me..
someday I'll touch angel's hand, then I'll be set free..
Oh, Debbie...
Hey, Debbie. How you doing?
Hi. Listen, I want to introduce you to Paul Callan, Evelyn Santos,
and Alva Keel. These are the people that Pastor Don sent over.
Hello. We'd like to help you if we can.
That's really nice. Actually, Danny and I have to get going.
Oh, you dear girl. You're a gift from heaven.
Well, she is, you know, and we just love her to death.
Hey, Saint Debbie. Let's see if you're really a saint.
Stand back.
Get back here!
Stand back!
Hey!
Let me take a look.
- It hurts. - It's all right. It's all right.
Let's get you to a doctor.
God bless Debbie Olson.
This doesn't make a whole lot of sense, Mr. Keel.
In my opinion, throwing a live rattlesnake at someone
doesn't make any sense.
Are you sure she was bitten?
Aren't you?
The marks are barely visible. I've seen rattlesnake bites before.
Her arm should be swollen and red to the elbow,
but no nausea, no dizziness, no joint pain or respiratory distress.
So, in your opinion, she's in perfect health?
Won't even need a bandage.
Your friend was very brave grabbing that snake.
Yeah. He's like James Bond and Tarzan rolled into one.
Ooh! Tarzan's cool.
What do you think happened?
I don't know.
Oh, Paul. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
- Interrupting cow? - Moo.
Wow. That's one terrible joke, Daniel.
Well, Debra, you're free to go.
How do you feel?
Okay, I guess.
I think that you should probably get some rest, in any case.
Oh, gosh. I almost forgot. Daniel's got his reading tutor
at the church. I was supposed to be there ten minutes ago.
Well, I can give him a ride.
Yes, excellent idea.
I'm fine by myself - with Paul.
Thanks, but I really couldn't.
I really think that, um, you need to take care of yourself.
- Okay. - Okay.
Sorry the place is so dirty.
It's just I've been pulling these double shifts all week,
Daniel, well, he doesn't put his stuff away.
Um, can I get you something to drink? A soda?
- Apple juice? - No, thank you.
I've barely had time to go grocery shopping.
- You need to rest. - No, no, no.
I'm fine. I'm fine. I thought the doctor said I'm indestructible.
Well, yes. Indestructible or not, you're experiencing a lot of stress.
Please, just sit down. Sit down.
It's just really weird, the way people look at me now,
like I'm different or famous.
At first, I thought it was cool, but..
Danny's completely freaked out. He can barely sleep.
I'll get you a glass of water.
Do you mind answering a few questions about what's been
happening to you?
Thank you.
- Have you ever broken any bones? - No.
Had surgery? Any serious illness whatsoever?
Not really.
So, this is what you do for a living?
You go around and see if miracles are happening?
Yes, indeed. That is correct.
You sound like Henry Higgins from that musical.
Pygmalion, uh, My Fair Lady.
Actually, he spoke the Queen's English. I'm from Scotland.
I've never met anyone from Scotland before.
But I've never met anybody who's a saint, might be a saint before.
I'm no saint. Ask anyone who knows me.
I don't think that your brother would agree with that.
He doesn't think I'm a saint. He thinks I'm god.
If you don't mind me asking..
how long have you been responsible for him?
Our parents died in a car accident the summer after my senior year,
and Danny was just twelve.
I was supposed to go away to college, but...
A lot of sacrifices.
Ah, I don't date as much as I'd like.
I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on life.
Locked up in a cloister? Yes. I know the feeling.
So, all that miracle hunting slows down your love life?
Certain professions are not compatible with long-term relationships.
So, you're the expert.
Why is this happening to me?
Well, I don't... I have absolutely no idea.
So, any leads on who cut Debbie Olson's throat?
We're a small town four minutes from the interstate.
It's perfect for a stop-and-drop.
You get a lot of that?
This place was hit twice in the last three years.
The guy's probably in Vegas by now, or Mexico.
Anyone get a plate?
A partial, QCP and maybe a 4.
The only match within 100 miles is an 83-year-old lady
who lives in a trailer over in Wyantville.
She walks around dragging an oxygen tank.
I'd say her throat-slitting days are over.
Saint Debbie, my sister's a saint.
Nothing can hurt her.
You know, Daniel, uh..
One of the things about saints is, well, it isn't just not getting hurt.
They can help people, too.
Well, she did.
Today, at the diner, a lady said Debbie cured her baby.
And when I get sick, she cures me, all the time.
She can do anything.
How is she?
She seems to be suffering no ill effects at all from the snakebite.
I had a case in Alabama last year, a snake handler.
He'd been bitten over fifty times by water moccasins.
Had his whole parish convinced that he was touched by God.
Turned out over the past two years he'd been giving himself
small doses of venom until he built up a natural immunity.
No. She's not faking it.
Really? And you know this how?
Gut instinct. Isn't that how you typically operate?
Yeah, and my gut's telling me this isn't real.
Why do you want to believe this so badly?
- Why do you not? - I do.
It's just...
I'm not a one-boxer, all right. You can live your life that way,
but I can't, I have to have a good box, and the things that
I put in that box, they have to be real, or else what's the point?
But what about life's other box, the box of evil,
of anger, of hatred, of pain?
Well, that one seems to fill up on its own.
Look, I've seen what happens when these things go south, all right.
A lot of people in this town are going to be devastated,
and one of them is gonna be her brother.
Now, what box should I put that in?
Hello.
Where are you? All right, hang on a second.
It's Evie. She's got a lead.
She needs the car. Are you coming?
This could settle the question.
I'm staying here.
I'll be right there.
It's good to see you've made up your mind without actually
investigating the case.
Your friend doesn't believe me.
No, I'm afraid not.
But you stood up for me.
Not many people have done that.
I do believe you, Debra.
Well, Mr. Keel, I appreciate that.
Coming from you, that really means something.
- I'm sorry. - It's all right.
I haven't been in Three Springs in a year.
I only go there for my doctor, and that was... March.
No one could have borrowed your car?
Who could have borrowed it? I live alone.
You're the first one to drive up this road in weeks.
Maybe it was stolen and returned while you were asleep?
You are real pretty, but you're not too smart, are you?
Lie number one. You're in Three Springs at least once a month.
That's the closest place to get your oxygen.
Lie number two, there's 3 different tire tracks on your road.
I saw them when I drove in.
I'm guessing the first two are your car and Officer Kelso's car
from when he came out to question you last Friday.
You want to tell me about the third?
Let me go!
Not bad, huh?
It's a prop knife like the one they use in the movies.
You can buy them online.
Debbie had an accomplice, the same guy who threw
the rattlesnake at her. His name is Greg Barger.
He was the guy in the ski mask who pretended to cut her throat.
They were both hired by Mayor Letherton.
It was all planned to drum up business, put Three Springs on the map.
You talked to this Greg...?
Yeah, he lives up in Liverpool, but he used his grandmother's
car. He told us the whole story.
Once we got him started, you couldn't shut him up.
He was proud of the whole thing. Since the mayor was involved,
he figured he was covered.
What about the snake?
Well, the one they used had its venom glands surgically removed.
This doesn't make any sense.
I'm sorry, Keel.
Really? You seemed to enjoy your little performance.
I didn't enjoy it at all, but if we hadn't shown you exactly
how it happened, would you have believed us?
Especially after our conversation?
Probably not.
No one else knows about this yet.
They don't have to.
It's up to you.
Hi. Come on in.
- Is Daniel here? - Uh, he's asleep.
What's wrong?
Why did you do it?
Money.
Frank offered me $30,000. It'd take me two years to earn that.
Okay, so.. the mayor coerced you. Now, that I can understand.
No, he didn't coerce me. I would have done it for half that.
Why?
Because that money's the only chance we have
me and Daniel to leave here and never come back.
Look, Frank and I... were dating.
And I guess I took it more seriously than he did.
I told him about this fantasy that I had ever since my folks died.
Somehow I'd win the lottery or something
and Daniel and I could move.
There's a school in L.A. for kids like Daniel, but it's expensive.
UCLA was my dream college.
It just seemed fair, you know? Something really good would
happen to us because something really bad already did.
Anyway, Frank said he thought we could make my fantasy come true together.
And then he told me his big idea.
Then I realized the only thing he was offering me was money.
So I thought, fine. Screw it. Money's money, right?
Okay, it was a stupid idea. I did it because I was angry.
I said I'd do it once, the robbery. That's it.
But then...
Then what?
People started to notice me.
People who never even gave me a second look before.
You did all of this for attention?
It sure got yours.
If you didn't think that I was special, the only thing you
would've said to someone like me is "more coffee, honey."
- That's not true. - Really?
Well, we'll never know, will we?
No, we won't. I..
I haven't told anybody about this.
I'm going to leave that up to you.
I can't.
It all comes back to me and Daniel. I'm all he's got.
Yeah, and who cares who else gets hurt, right?
I don't know. I leave town. I go back to school.
Daniel gets some real help, maybe even learns to live on his own.
The town gets tourist money,
and people believe in god now like they never did before.
You remind me, who's getting hurt?
Yeah.
Bye.
You seem more upset about all this than Alva did.
I know how these people feel.
They want to believe so... so desperately.
You know, maybe Keel is right. Maybe..
Maybe the big message is there are no real miracles,
just a lot of unexplainable stuff, and none of it means anything.
What's going on?
It's Debbie's brother. He's on the water tower.
- Debra. - What's going on?
He's going to jump. He thinks you can save him.
Danny!
Please come down here now! Danny, please!
Just stay calm, Danny!
I'm gonna jump!
- No! - Daniel, don't! Don't!
It's okay! Debbie will save me!
He told you you're a liar, and now you think you're a liar!
But Paul says real Saints help other people!
I'm gonna show everyone you can do it! I'll prove it to you, Debbie!
No, Daniel! I love you, but you have to understand something.
Nothing that I did was real.
No, that's not true!
Yes, it is. It was all pretend.
And if you jump, there is nothing I can do to save you.
But you're special!
No, I'm not, but you are. Danny, please climb down!
You said.. you said you could do things.
Yes, and I was lying!
I am so sorry, Danny! If I could save you, I would, but I can't!
Why are you saying these things?
Your brother's right. Don't listen to the people who don't
believe in you. They're speaking the devil's words.
Mrs. Martin. I'm sorry.
God chose you. You are special. No harm can come to you.
We'll show them, Debbie. We'll show them who the liar is.
You are.
Debbie, no!
Call an ambulance!
You all right?
Now I think I understand how you feel.
What do you mean?
Someone sacrificing their life for you...
it isn't a good feeling.
Have you prayed?
Like a child.
People started coming by the cafe about an hour ago,
bringing money for Debbie.
Almost 5,000 dollars so far. Amazing, isn't it?
People would rally around her in spite of what she's done.
Yes, it is.
There's your miracle.
I'm gonna be a better brother,
work harder on my reading.
You're already a good brother.
Debbie's gonna be okay.
Daniel..
The things that your sister said back there, they were true.
She isn't really a saint.
That bullet hurt her, and the doctor..
he doesn't expect her to make it. You understand?
I know.
I know before was all pretend, but she's going to be okay
because she's my sister, and I love her.
And she's special.
Well, I don't know what to say.
I've never seen anything like it.
The pattern the bullet described through her body,
it managed to miss four vital organs and arteries.
There was almost no internal damage.
She lost some blood, but other than that,
she'll be home in a couple of days.
- Good as new. - Thank you, doctor.
That's the second miracle.
Where's Daniel?
Oh, he's fine. You saved him,
and me.
Thank you.
There's no need to thank me.
I deserve this.
I'm surprised no one else in this town has tried to kill me after what I did.
As a matter of fact, the reaction has been quite the opposite.
Pastor Don has received over 8,000 dollars in contributions
for your hospital bills, and, um..
This is from Mayor Letherton.
This is all the money he promised me.
I don't believe it.
Paul and I had a little chat with him, and he realized it was simply
better to just pay you and not have his involvement revealed.
There is one condition, however.
That you leave town...
as soon as you're healthy enough.
Is it a deal, Debra?
I love it when you do that.
Do what?
Call me 'Debra'.
You're the only one who does.
My mouth's down here, Henry Higgins.
So, Mr. Keel... burning the midnight desk lamp, I see.
Oh, just a little bedtime reading.
Let's see what we're reading here.
"Unhorbares Wird Horbar."
"The Inaudible Becomes Audible," Konstantin Raudive's
classic book on electronic communication with the dead.
Is Paul around? He left a message.
No, no. Sorry, he, uh..
He actually went out on a date.
Oh, really? Yes, well...
All right.
I meant to, um...
I meant to thank you.
For what?
For alerting us to the young woman in Three Springs.
The investigation was quite illuminating.
Turn out she was a saint?
Yes. Yes, as a matter of fact.
Although, not the kind that you'd put in the books.
Mr. Keel, I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee.
No.
But you could buy me a drink.
Done.
I'd like to know more about this possible saint.
Yes.
She was really... extraordinary.
Turns out that she's been caring for her younger brother
for the past eleven years. And, see, the parents...
Subs by Nixie & SubRaccoon